Life

is really confusing sometimes. Things don’t always turn out how you think they will be. I assumed I was in a place that I could stay but I guess I am wrong and that I am going to have to move on again. It hurts, but oh well life goes on and things repeat and the pain grows more. I need to just keep taking steps to the place where I want to be…

To tell you the truth

I kinda want to go everywhere in my life.

I want to see the world and go to many coutries, to meet new people, to do video projects and other such things around the world sounds thrilling and exciting and to do photography too as a side project.

I want to especially go to europe, Aussie (where I want to move to) and many other places like Japan and such.

I don’t want to tie myself down into one place I want to go and see others countries and travel the world so maybe just maybe I shouldn’t get married as young as I was planning or thinking about…

Life… is confusing but I am falling head first into it.

I just need to take the steps to get where I need to be.

Dying on the inside

I wanted to mean everything to you but that’s not how it’s suppose to be right?

Wanting isn’t always right and I am kinda realizing that’s what’s destroying my life.

I keep turning around wondering if I am doing anything correct this time

to find out that I am shattering my own mind

Walking down these stairs

wondering why why must I let myself die?

Why did I let my needs run away from me?

I keep finding them disassembled and broken each time

Cover these windows don’t let anyone see what’s going on the inside

Let yourself suffocate from the misery in your mind

Put your heart under the hammer

Let the nail pierce through me

You know it won’t make a difference

You are already bleeding covering everything with crimson streaks

Just let yourself die let yourself bleed in this pool of a dying life

Tonight

Was a roller coaster for me I have never been up and down about life more than now. I could have easily made choices I would have regret like did so long ago. I am glad I guess the choice I made for now. I will elaborate more whenever I actually get some sleep which should be happening right now.

<3 is for that person… you know that special girl =3

I wish things turned out better than they seem but maybe someday things will be better than they were meant to be.

Right now I am confused with the thoughts I am thinking.

Disorganized and confused with how I am feeling I sit alone by myself wondering what could have made things not so messy. I love life but I feel like I am shattering once again from everything around me attacking me.

I can’t do this by myself

The ice is freezing my life

I watch things shatter on the inside

The walls are crumbling before me

Letting the front get to me

Destroying what’s left of me in time

I remember the days where we stayed outside all night

Those days were the days that made me smile inside

Now the times are changing and those days will never be

Right now all I can do is curl into a ball and sleep

fighting off the nightmares and running this night

Fleeting the fears you have in this life.

Twist twirl stepping into the chaos around

These whirlpools are tearing me apart

pulling me every which way

What direction do I go to stay away

from dying and becoming decayed?

Your breath smells with the stench of death

Your grin makes me wretch

with that sick feeling inside

Why don’t you go

Why don’t you go rot and die?

You haunt me with your presence

reminding me of my drawbacks in life

Causing me mental strife

You laugh at my pain

but what is it do you gain?