My eyes are scarred with the misery I saw behind the walls

The blood pooling on the floor pouring from the ceiling

I walk…

alone.

through these empty rooms of what keeps you living

Where have you gone? Do you realize you are such a mess?

Where am I? Who’s heart is this?

Is this where I belong?

Alone….

Wishing to know

How I became lost in the scenery behind beauty

Wanting to escape my own sorrows

that ravage me from the inside

tearing me apart

making me scream

Insanity

To be honest

I don’t always know what I am thinking. My thoughts get jumbled together and I can’t always think in a straightforward way like I usually can. At times I am not even sure what is usual for me and what is out of the ordinary. Music is something that weaves and intertwines with my thoughts and with my soul swaying my emotions in such a way that it rises and falls with the flow of the vibrations running through my skull.

To be honest I am not sure what I am thinking.

Time

To write down my thoughts and how i feel scribbling what is in my head. To organize and make some sense on what I am thinking if I can even discover the things that are in my mind.

     What makes up of this life and the effort we put in things seems so meaningless the farther we seem to get in our growth the more problems seem to arise and the more I tend to realize that what I consider as an accomplishment really is just nothing in the end.

Crowds.

I do like to be in large groups of people a lot I like to be with others and to meet a lot of new people but even though I am in a building with twenty thousand people who are similar to me and are all a lot of fun I still feel alone in the end. I have always felt alone. I don’t understand this either I mean I feel so alone and it isn’t the fact that I feel different or I am different, I know I am a puzzle piece that is out of place but really it’s that I really do feel alone. I feel like there is someone out there someday that might somehow really impact me and prove to me that I am not alone. I don’t know when that day will be but it will happen someday.

Here is a poem I am about to write…

You flay my mind alive with the cunning words you spew from your lips

reminding me that right now this is all just a glimpse

of the confusion that is will be upon me in the coming days

but you don’t seem to be able to see the growth in me the strength

the sturdiness like a tree hammered by the wind on the side of cliffs

like the snow flowing on the drifts in the frozen wastelands of bliss

I don’t understand why we fight.

When someone sees change in another or when someone sees something different about someone else they seem to go psycho and want to fight them as much as possible.

Oh what a shame

Oh what a shame I don’t know what is going to occur again

By the way could this be love delayed? Or maybe this isn’t much of anything again and all I going to do is let things happen till time ends. Whatever goes down now will be determining what will take place in the future years of everything. Will I let myself shatter to pieces and try to do thing on my own over and over trying to think I am doing this right?

I am so cold you won’t be able to see past these icicles and you won’t get by unless you want to be frozen to ice.

This heart is so cold it’s frozen covered in snow.

The tears have turned to frozen droplets of bitter sorrow.

I am alone is in this frozen landscape of misery.

This love is so overwhelming but I still feel misery inside of me… I feel so cold.

That face is still haunting me its still a part of me and makes me miserable inside making my cry why why must I live with this grief? This grief of feeling empty?

You won’t ever know me unless i let you inside

Should I let you into these walls of mine?

To see the scars the chaos that is held in this skin?

To see the Crying child hiding within?

Maybe someday you will ask and I will break down the barriers in my life

To let you inside to see everything

To let the sun shine on my life

To let this child dance in sunlight

Maybe someday

I know something is missing in all of this

that I want to thing to be complete

that i want things in control

but these chains shouldn’t hold me back

if i hold them back my heart will fall deeper in despair

should i let this burden shatter and turn to dust?

to run at you with everything in me?

Should I let you save me from everything

To shake off of the dust covering me?

You yell across the lake don’t be late

I run around the side trying to hide the fright I feel inside

Scared of the words what he might say

Nervous about if it is true that maybe we have a chance

If it’s true it makes me want to dance

To feel the pounding in my mind to the waves of the trance

I feel deep in these waters the longing I desire

To be lighter so my heart can rise higher

I am not sure what this was… O.o

Poetry

You creep behind me tracing your finger along my spine
whisper in my ear that you want to be mine
I turn around to find no one there
why does my mind feel scared?

I know you are important to me
You make my knees feel like they are weakening
You make me smile more than I have before
I hope you realize that you are someone I adore

The thought of losing you fills me with fear
How long till this bliss disappears?
How long do I have you by my side?
How long will you be mine?

You reassure me with words of love
reminding me that the future isn’t occurring today
that in time everything will be known
just wait

Lots happening lately.

There has been a ton of things on my mind lately.

I went to the emp today in seattle which was amazing! I want to go again sometime~! I love it!

I got to hang out with a certain someone ^-^

I was messing with the vocals waaayyyyy too much

So today is thursday… friday is tomorrow =)

Yep… Kinda have someone special. Many of you know who it is…

I hope to write more soon but I am overwhelmed!!!

It’s always love darling don’t you understand?
It’s what hold everything together in the end
It’s something that will always stay with time
It’s the one thing that is alive

Now remember not to forget what was said
To put at heart what was told what was read (red)
To remember the crimson blood
The Man that died for love

Today is Tuesday. I wonder what the new year will be like. Will I be in love? bah I have no idea so all I can really do is wait. -.-

Lost in the haze of the sorrow around me

Throwing my thoughts in the distance looking for hope

What is there for me to find?

Empty hearts shattered and destroyed

Fill this landscape my void

The place where I am alone

don’t you know

that you will never make it back home

from this wretched place inside of me

So darling you might as well be

Someone who runs away from me

Maybe Just maybe I will find love someday I have found sorry and hurt, envy and lost. Where is this love that people speak of? I see the love of Christ for the love of humans but where is this love that humans understand?

I feel sick. I don’t know what to think. I wish my thoughts didn’t effect how I feel but they affect me more than anything around me.

Right now I am not sure how to react or really how to think for that matter. My thoughts are jumbled and twisted into cords of confusion and anxiety tying around my throat choking my thoughts with fear and hurt.


I wish… it wouldn’t get so dark outside so early anymore. It doesn’t help with my moods.

Oh well I need to organize through my thoughts.