Acceptance of others is hard. To not be rude and claim you are right takes everything in you to not say that. Everyone has a right of opinion but if they don’t want to hear it you can’t throw that at them. To ignore people whom are ignorant of what you think is ignorance itself and you are doing exactly what they did too you and you are being a hypocrite yourself.


Respect is a big thing in my book.  No one ever ever EVER deserves to be cussed out for just saying something. I don’t think you should cuss someone out even if someone did that to you.

Ok happier topics… ^-^ sushi soon :) hopefully with my friend ^.^ I am excited. Thoughts are melting… Goodnight.

Maybe you don’t realize this but it is so easy to lie to yourself blindly.

How can you catch yourself lying?

it’s something that doesn’t happen so easily.

Is it wrong to hope? Or should I blindly let God make all of my decisions? It’s something I don’t understand. I don’t want to make a lot of these choices I have to eventually make. It’s something I worry about too much don’t I? Oh well I guess I won’t worry about it right now and will think my thoughts then.

I miss dancing with your feet twisting twirling into what was meant to be. Our eyes gazing at each other making it feel like eternity.
The stars skipping laughing around us watching us in this trance.
Everyone is singing of this beautiful Romance.

I miss the Love in the air the sweetness the beauty.
The smile on your face that makes my heart beat rapidly.
But most of all I miss this special moment that reoccurs over and over again.
When our hearts collide the sparks fly lighting up everything with life something that is from within.

This is my own work.

Glimpsing from behind the tree I try to catch my breath But you are squeezing my lungs so tightly wanting me to try to yell for you To Scream come to me I miss you My breath is short and I am only barely able to say I love you…

Misery

Misery accompanies me on every step I take

Down this path of pain and solitude

not knowing what to do

Wishing it wasn’t this way

Why can’t I find my way?

Find the path to a brighter day?

Why must I feel such pain inside?

Every day I have to cry

Maybe some of you won’t understand

How it feels to be like a worthless man

realizing all of my plans

are for nothing in the end

My mind is currently a mess and I don’t think I am able to think straight right at this moment. I don’t know what to say and I feel like curling into a ball and going to sleep. To me life is quite meaningless even though I can do videos and have fun after everything what meaning does it have really? to be known by a slight amount of population? I am not sure what to say at all and it mixes me inside.

I hear you scratching through the walls around me

Trying to get to me

I don’t know if I can stop you though

where have you gone?

I know you are hiding

Do what you should have done long ago

Let my heartbeat fall through the floor

Till all of the levels hit the bottom of the board

what is the meaning of everything? Why do I feel so empty?

Random rant

Scars

What did I say to get you to think of the past long ago?

I know it is painful to believe what I said then

But you know it’s true what I told you in the cold

You know exactly how I feel

But will you let me be part of something?

Do you want to know who I really am?

I won’t let my love ones know who I really am

People want to hear the truth about everything

Except they don’t want the scars I bear

You were an exception though

You listened to my thoughts

You lifted the burden off of my shoulders

Random 

I wanted out of everything

To get out of these traps you have left me

falling into these pits that kill me inside

I want to escape these traps that have cornered me

I am trapped against the back of the wall that paralyzed me

Fear trembling running nowhere except into destruction of everything

Snow

The crystals fall from the sky

drowning the horizon with a blanket of white

as far as the eye can see

You see a bleached sea covering everything

It’s hard at four thirty in the morning driving down the road listening to music and realizing how miserable you really can be. Every morning and especially today I remember how much I miss Christ at times to be comforted and loved by God to have meanings placed in my life again. I get so caught up in my thoughts re-rolling things through my head over and over realizing how meaningless life truly is and that really the only thing there is to live for is Christ… and that is something that is hard to take in… and salvation isn’t something that you can earn either… it is given to you by Christ for free to show love to us and to glorify God and that it is a choice and it is hard to believe that it is that simple…. So I can be miserable sometimes… I hate love music to be honest… like I love it a lot… I think it sounds amazing to be in love to be with someone who you could curl up with, someone who you can grab there hand guide them outside at night and stare at the stars… someone who you can just look into their eyes and realize that they love you and realizing yourself that there is no one else that you would want to spend the rest of your life with here on earth more than your love. This is something that I am reminded so much and I feel miserable at times because I know that isn’t for right now and I curl up and cry cause I want someone to hold my hand… I know I am stupid sometimes…

November 26th 2010

Life twisting twirling along the shores of eternity



footprints tracing in the sand



leading to a better place



to where we were meant to be



alongside you and I walking hand in hand



ready to face the waves of grief and strife



striving to live this life



I can hear you calling to me



in the distance I glimpse you yelling for me



I will be there when I can come



but for now there has to be distance in between our hands 



look to what will happen in along the shores of eternity



I will be there when I am meant to be



we will be together just wait for me







Lately I have been just torn on the inside... A mess perhaps I am just.... living life now?



I realize that everything isn't so happy and cheery anymore but it is to the point where I am scared I will give up hope.







The holidays make me sad. Especially snow... I used to love snow and the holidays so much but now... they make me just torn and depressed...

Thanksgiving

Time is twisting and twirling







falling between the cracks in the planet







it's life fading away







I hear the cries of the living







of life slowly dying







feeling everything with my heart















I see the decay of everything around me







the screams of ones lost







the dead moaning for love







if only I had the strength







to fight for another day







to do what I can















but what can one man do to make amends?







To show love to those around him?







To show respect for everything?















Music causes me to be in this harmony with everything around me... it makes me think straight and true and really gets me connected with my thoughts and my feelings....







The love of life and living is what drives me but at the same time it is easy to get off track which drives me crazy. I do it quite often and have to fight to go where I need to go.







Where am I suppose to be?







What am I suppose to do?







I ask myself a lot of questions and as them again to myself in time to see if any of these answers have changed. I feel like I am going to limit myself in what I am suppose to do.















Kinda failed at the getting up at six o'clock... Need to try more....















My thoughts feel so cluttered and what I thought was once organized is what really is a mess but I guess that it really is how people see things in the end.















My heart is crying out.







I wish I knew what to say.







I wish I knew What to do.







All I feel like I can mumble under my breath is







I miss you















It is something hard for me to say







a thing that tears me apart







causing tears to stream down my face







but it is something that is true







I really do miss you















I wonder what you are thinking right now







what is running through your mind







how you really feel







wishing if I knew you really cared















Someday I will be able to tell you face to face







but that day won't be for some time away















Blah I feel all blah inside and have been a mess.







The snow is melting.







I am going to miss the snow...







I am going to miss the beauty it shows...

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I haven’t been in the snow much.

The first day I was out in it…

Today I just couldn’t bear to be in it.

It reminds me of loneliness too much.

It reminds me how beautiful it really is but how cold and alone it is.

Numbness is what snow reminds me of more than anything else.

I have had a lot of thoughts on my mind lately.

Too many to really feel sane but I guess I need to fight to get somewhere, right?

I miss… love I miss feeling the joy in everything feeling like I am invincible.

I forget I am though that who is on my side can beat anything.

I didn’t go to work today I had to call in the roads were too dangerous.

It is suppose to be really cold tonight.

I can’t wait until spring… or the summer… for many reasons.

I am excited.

    Poetry time i guess

The ice pierces my skin

pouring down my wrists

draining to the floor below me

staining the ground with the scarlet life within me.

Why do I feel lost?

Which way do I go?

I have been here before

walked by this stream of sorrows times ago

Twisting turning through the thorns in life

looking searching for the rose that called to me

Where can you be?

Where are you flower of beauty?

I have toiled and pained to find you to this day

why do you hide your face?

Am I too ugly to bear?

I know you are too fair.

Let downs

Hurt. a lot.

Maybe I hope and get my heart involved too much.

Nothing happened but I just feel hurt. I hate this feeling.

I just need to stop hurting myself and letting myself hurt me.