« Back to blog

Random rant

Scars

What did I say to get you to think of the past long ago?

I know it is painful to believe what I said then

But you know it’s true what I told you in the cold

You know exactly how I feel

But will you let me be part of something?

Do you want to know who I really am?

I won’t let my love ones know who I really am

People want to hear the truth about everything

Except they don’t want the scars I bear

You were an exception though

You listened to my thoughts

You lifted the burden off of my shoulders

Random 

I wanted out of everything

To get out of these traps you have left me

falling into these pits that kill me inside

I want to escape these traps that have cornered me

I am trapped against the back of the wall that paralyzed me

Fear trembling running nowhere except into destruction of everything

Snow

The crystals fall from the sky

drowning the horizon with a blanket of white

as far as the eye can see

You see a bleached sea covering everything

It’s hard at four thirty in the morning driving down the road listening to music and realizing how miserable you really can be. Every morning and especially today I remember how much I miss Christ at times to be comforted and loved by God to have meanings placed in my life again. I get so caught up in my thoughts re-rolling things through my head over and over realizing how meaningless life truly is and that really the only thing there is to live for is Christ… and that is something that is hard to take in… and salvation isn’t something that you can earn either… it is given to you by Christ for free to show love to us and to glorify God and that it is a choice and it is hard to believe that it is that simple…. So I can be miserable sometimes… I hate love music to be honest… like I love it a lot… I think it sounds amazing to be in love to be with someone who you could curl up with, someone who you can grab there hand guide them outside at night and stare at the stars… someone who you can just look into their eyes and realize that they love you and realizing yourself that there is no one else that you would want to spend the rest of your life with here on earth more than your love. This is something that I am reminded so much and I feel miserable at times because I know that isn’t for right now and I curl up and cry cause I want someone to hold my hand… I know I am stupid sometimes…